Wednesday, May 31, 2006

so here's this.

this week i gained instead of lost.
1.8 pounds.
going backward, not forward.
it's not good.
so i am to blame for this.
despite all my lofty self motivation speeches, i gave in this weekend and just had whatever i felt like. it's a bad feeling but also part of this re-programing that my head is going through. i am learning that it's just not worth it. that overindulgence is so less satisfying than all things in moderation. i am learning. i think. i hope i am. i want to change. of course part of me wants to throw in the towel. but i can't do that. i just can't. there is something in me that just won't let me settle. and i know that the way i am right now is not the way i was made to be. it's not like i have some unrealistic vision of wearing a size zero. it would just be so great to wear a tshirt and jeans and feel good and not be self concious. it would be so nice to just go to the pool and relax. not to be model thin. but just to feel normal. so for this i strive.


At 6:01 PM, Blogger Karen said...

oh meredith, i so am with you on this. this week i've just been eating whatever, and i can totally tell i've gained. i'm just too chickenshit to get on the scale to find out how much. you're right though: overindulgence is so less satisfying. after awhile you just feel crappy all over again. being balanced and in control of your eating makes eating itself even better.

everything you wrote in that last paragraph describes my journey and my goal when i first started on this whole weightloss/getting healthy track. and you know what? i accomplished that. i know i'm pretty much back there but these last few pounds are really so much harder. i applaud you for having a balanced and healthy perspective on where you want to be at the end of this. you WILL do it.

At 2:33 PM, Blogger andrea said...

it happens, it does. don't let it stop you (though I know what it feels like to step on that scale and realize you've experienced a setback)... it stinks.

the sooner I accepted that there would be setbacks like this, the more at peace I was with the whole process. because that is the ebb and flow of life and if this is a lifetime thing, then well, there are just going to be times when you don't get it right.

the most important thing you can do is to continue on.

and I SO hear you on just wanting to sit by the pool without feeling painfully self-conscious.


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